Review: Toil and Trouble, Augusten Burroughs 2019

Augusten Burroughs’s memoir Toil and Trouble is a strange, funny, and honest book where he claims he’s a witch. He’s not talking about the kind who rides a broom; he means he has a lifelong, inherited ability to know things he shouldn't and to nudge events in a certain direction through intense focus—what he calls "magick."

If you like his other books, like Running with Scissors, you’ll recognize his usual dark humor and open style. This time, he applies his unique voice to the question of whether "magick" explains the unusual things that have happened in his life.

The book jumps between stories from his childhood—when his mother told him he had this "gift"—and his current life in rural Connecticut with his sensible husband, Christopher. Burroughs describes his witchcraft as a feeling of knowing what’s coming or being able to make very unlikely things happen.

The memoir is also packed with the sort of eccentric, hilarious people Burroughs always seems to encounter, especially his odd neighbors in the country. These funny stories help balance out the book’s more serious and deep ideas.

The book is powerful because it treats these weird abilities not as a Hollywood fantasy, but as a confusing, real part of his life as someone who has dealt with a lot of trauma and anxiety. You might not believe he’s a witch, but as he shares stories—like a premonition of his grandmother's accident coming true—you start to see why he believes it.

The most emotional part comes at the end, when his "magick" vanishes while his husband is very sick. In that moment of helplessness, the book shifts. It becomes a deeply felt reflection on love, anxiety, and the things that no one can control, no matter what kind of power they think they have.

While the idea of witchcraft is the hook, the book is really about how one man makes sense of a difficult past and his anxiety-ridden present by deciding he is fundamentally different. It's a funny, tender, and very human story about finding meaning, even if that meaning is wrapped up in an odd, but comforting, label.

If you like Augusten Burroughs’s usual honest, dark comedy, this book is highly recommended. It’s a unique modern memoir about finding the extraordinary in everyday life.

Carolina Dean 
Witch

The Dino Diaries: Finding Him in Me.

I've always been a person who keeps journals. Whether it’s a dream journal, a manifestation journal, a sex diary, or even my various grimoires and Book of Shadows—they are all, in their own unique way, records of a journey.

However, shortly before my 52nd birthday, I felt a pull toward something new. I decided to keep a diary, but not one to chronicle the daily minutia of my life—not who I met, what I ate, or what I did. Instead, I wanted a dedicated space to go deep, to explore who I am at my core, and to work out the real issues in my life.

As of this writing, I’m just shy of my first 30 days, and the process has already been incredibly illuminating. I wanted to share a recent entry with you to give you a glimpse into this new practice.

The Sunday Ritual and a Sense of Lack

For several months now, I've had a Sunday ritual. I get up very early, pick up my friend, and we make a conscious decision to leave town, if only for a few hours, to escape our mundane, everyday reality. We have breakfast, sometimes joined by other friends, and then we go shopping or find a place in nature—a beach or the top of a mountain. We find that nature is powerfully renewing; it refreshes our spirit for the week ahead. Eventually, we head home, our everyday reality setting back in as we return to our lives.

This past Sunday, after dropping my friend off, I noticed I felt ambiguous. On one hand, I was happy to have connected with my friends, but I also felt a distinct sense of lack.

I knew I needed to address it. When I arrived home, before turning on the TV or even opening the windows, I went straight to my altar. I sat down, took a deep breath, and cleared my mind. Then, I asked myself, Why am I experiencing this sense of lack?

The first thought that surfaced was, “It would have been nice to have shared this day with a man.” It was a thought I couldn't shake. I knew immediately this was a thread I had to pull, a subject I needed to explore in my diary.

The Morning After: Finding a Lens

Let me pause to explain my process: I always write my diary entry for any particular day on the following day. So, I didn't write about Sunday until Monday. I sat down at my desk and began with the basics: I wrote the date, noted the day of the week, and the weather. Since I always post a Card of the Day on my Instagram, I also noted the card in my journal.

As I sat there, staring at the page and gathering my thoughts, I felt a little stuck. I wasn't sure how I wanted to approach the complicated feelings I experienced on Sunday. Then, I had an epiphany. I decided to express myself through the lens of the Hanged Man, which was the Card of the Day for Sunday. I started by simply contemplating its meaning: pause, suspension, a new perspective, yielding to a higher power, inversion...

And then, the words began to flow out of me.

"I am choosing this suspension; it is not a punishment. From this perspective, I see an exhausting loop: running between "find the fixer" and "accept defeat" The biggest lie is that I am broken, that my life is incomplete and that I needed a man to fix me and make my life whole. The truth is my life is unattended. The action I've been resisting is self-authorship. The real energy drain is not my job, not my responsibilities, not my age; its this constant internal argument of wanting to love and be loved and simply giving up and resigning myself to the single life forever. 

For one week, I will sacrifice the idea of the fixer and surrender the pattern of vacillation. I will not search, worry, or resign. My perspective must invert. the solution is within me. I must become the fixer ---- the one who validates, the one who heals, the one who brings me joy. The pause ends when I look at my life and know, truly know, that it is beautiful and it is mine!" 

What's so striking about this process is how those initial feelings of lack have transformed into a powerful affirmation of self-authorship. I went into this diary practice to confront my deepest issues, and in less than a month, I've already uncovered a core narrative—that I'm somehow broken or incomplete without a partner—and found the lens to shatter it. This new journal isn't just a record of my journey; it's the active tool I'm using to carve a new path. The Hanged Man may signify a pause, but for me, that suspension is just the breath I needed before making a fundamental shift. I'm stepping into this week with a commitment to become the source of my own fulfillment, ready to see where this inverted perspective—that the solution is within me—will lead.

Carolina Dean 
Daily Diarist 

Understanding and Defending Against Energy Vampires

We've all been there: after spending time with certain individuals, we feel utterly drained, exhausted, and even irritable. While we often attribute this to a long day or stress, it's possible you've encountered what many refer to as an "energy vampire." These aren't creatures of the night with fangs, but rather people who, consciously or unconsciously, deplete your emotional and mental energy, leaving you feeling empty.

What is an Energy Vampire?

An energy vampire is someone who, through their interactions, leaves you feeling depleted. They often operate by drawing attention, sympathy, or validation from others, often at the expense of the other person's well-being. This can manifest in various behaviors:

• The Constant Complainer: This individual always has a problem, and every conversation revolves around their misfortunes. They rarely seek solutions, preferring to wallow in negativity and draw others into their emotional vortex.

• The Drama Magnet: Their lives are a perpetual soap opera, and they thrive on conflict and crisis. They will often stir up trouble, then look to others for emotional support and validation.

• The Victim: Everything is always happening to them. They avoid responsibility, blame others for their circumstances, and expect endless empathy without ever reciprocating.

• The Narcissist: While not all narcissists are energy vampires, many exhibit this behavior. They demand constant admiration and attention, have little empathy, and will manipulate situations to their benefit, leaving others feeling used and unimportant.

• The Interrogator: These individuals pry into your life, asking intrusive questions and offering unsolicited advice, often making you feel scrutinized and uncomfortable.

It's important to remember that most energy vampires aren't malicious; they might simply be unaware of the impact their behavior has on others. However, their unconscious patterns can still be incredibly detrimental to your well-being.

How to Identify an Energy Vampire

The key to identifying an energy vampire isn't just their behavior, but how you feel after interacting with them.

• Physical Exhaustion: Do you feel physically tired or weak?

• Emotional Draining: Do you feel empty, anxious, or irritable?

• Mental Fog: Is it hard to concentrate after speaking with them?

• Sense of Guilt or Obligation: Do you feel like you owe them your time and energy?

• Relief When They Leave: Do you experience a significant sense of relief when the interaction ends?

If you consistently experience these feelings after engaging with someone, it might be a sign you're dealing with an energy vampire.

Protecting Your Energy

Once you've identified an energy vampire, the next step is to protect yourself.

1. Set Boundaries: This is crucial. Learn to say "no" to their demands for your time and energy. You don't need to justify yourself; a simple, firm "no" is sufficient.

2. Limit Exposure: If possible, reduce the amount of time you spend with this person. If it's a colleague or family member you can't avoid, try to keep interactions brief and focused.

3. Practice Emotional Detachment: Listen to what they say without getting emotionally invested. Don't try to solve their problems or get caught up in their drama. Offer empathy, but don't take on their burdens.

4. Ground Yourself: Before and after interactions, take a few deep breaths. Visualize yourself surrounded by a protective shield of positive energy. This can help you maintain your own energetic integrity.

5. Refocus the Conversation: If they start to complain or draw you into drama, try to shift the topic to something neutral or positive.

6. Don't Offer Unsolicited Advice: Energy vampires often don't want solutions; they want attention. Offering advice often just fuels their need for validation.

7. Prioritize Self-Care: Engage in activities that replenish your energy – meditation, spending time in nature, exercise, hobbies, or spending time with genuinely supportive people.

Recognizing and dealing with energy vampires is a vital part of maintaining your own emotional and mental health. By setting clear boundaries and practicing self-care, you can protect your energy and cultivate more balanced and fulfilling relationships.

Have you ever encountered an energy vampire? How did you deal with them? Share your experiences in the comments below!

Carolina Dean 
Vampire Slayer 

Links 

• Energy Vampires: A Practical Guide for Psychic Self Protection, Dorothy Harbour 
• 5 Signs of an Energy Vampire 
• Psychic Vampire (Wikipedia) 

Book Review: Cat's Eyes, Lee Jordan (1982)

Cat's Eyes is a satisfying novel from 1982 that mixes the creepy mood of a classic English ghost story with the fast pace of a modern suspense book. This novel gives you exactly what you'd expect from an old-school scary thriller: a lonely house, a vulnerable main character, a series of unsettling events, and a general feeling of danger from both people and animals.

The story is about Rachel Charter, an American woman recovering from a car crash at her isolated home in the Sussex countryside in England. The accident was caused by a feral cat, and it left her physically hurt and mentally shaken, giving her bad dreams.

When Rachel's husband has to leave for a work trip, she is left alone with her baby daughter, Sophie. Soon, her peaceful isolation turns into a nightmare. The feral cat, scarred from the crash, seems to be haunting the property, but the scary things that start happening are too sinister to be just an animal's doing.

What follows is a classic slow-burn thriller where Rachel is deliberately terrorized. Her dog is poisoned, someone tries to smother her baby, a local helper is framed for theft, and she gets chilling, anonymous phone calls. The story uses the closed-in feeling of the isolated house and the empty landscape to make Rachel's fear and paranoia grow.

The author, Lee Jordan, uses the typical ingredients of this genre very well. He makes you suspect a few different people, including a bitter woman whose husband was killed in Rachel's crash, a glamorous new neighbor, and even the baby's strict former nurse. The book cleverly makes you wonder, "Is this a scary animal or a human villain?" before revealing the truth. 

While the identity of the final villain and the stormy ending might not surprise people who read a lot of thrillers, the ride is engaging. The writing is good, and the detailed descriptions of the Sussex setting make the story better than a standard suspense novel. Rachel, the slightly naive but tough American, is a likable enough character that you genuinely care about her safety.

Cat's Eyes is a fun, well-put-together piece of vintage suspense. It's a quick, moody read that delivers the perfect amount of domestic terror and spooky isolation. If you like old-school horror or books that feel like a great, forgotten 1980s scary movie, this is a solid choice. It doesn't break new ground, but it delivers the scares with style.

Carolina Dean 
Cat Lover 

Book Review: Lula Dean's Little Library of Banned Books, Kirsten Miller (2024)

Kirsten Miller's Lula Dean's Little Library of Banned Books is a triumphant, hilarious, and deeply moving satire that brilliantly tackles the timely and important issue of book banning. Miller has a rare talent for taking a serious subject and infusing it with humor and heart, making for a truly unforgettable reading experience.

The story revolves around a cast of eccentric and endearing characters in the small Southern town of Troy, Georgia, all of whom become unexpectedly intertwined through a secret act of rebellion. What begins as a petty feud between two women—the meddlesome Lula Dean and the ever-so-clever Beverly Underwood—quickly evolves into a powerful testament to the transformative power of books. As banned titles secretly make their way into Lula’s "little free library," readers get to witness, chapter by chapter, how these stories impact the lives of everyone in town.

Beyond the clever plot, the novel shines in its ability to create fully realized, nuanced characters. From a high school football star grappling with his identity to a woman discovering a hidden part of her family's history, each person who interacts with the library finds a piece of themselves within its pages. While the book doesn't shy away from serious topics like racism, homophobia, and censorship, it handles them with a sense of hope and wit that leaves you feeling uplifted and inspired.

This is more than just a funny book; it's a rallying cry for the importance of reading, the freedom of ideas, and the belief that a single book can change a life. It's a reminder that community can be a powerful force for good when people are willing to open their minds and their hearts. A must-read for anyone who has ever found solace, strength, or a new perspective within the pages of a book.

Carolina Dean 
12th House Books

Conversations with Robots: How I Used A.I. to Identify My Core Values and Life's Purpose.

Celebrating my 52nd birthday, I decided to give myself a new challenge: to start a daily journaling practice. While I've kept various notebooks over the years, I've never committed to writing every day. To guide me, I'm using The New Diary by Tristine Rainer, which outlines different writing modes and techniques for self-exploration.

As I began journaling, I noticed a recurring theme: I wanted to live a more intentional life. To understand what this meant for me, I used a technique called automatic writing. Through this process, I realized that an intentional life is one where I'm in control, not just reacting to whatever comes my way. I also discovered that to live this way, I need to:

• Define my values and purpose.

• Align my actions with my values.

• Cultivate self-awareness and mindfulness.

Unsure how to start defining my values, I turned to a resource that wasn't around when Rainer wrote her book: artificial intelligence. I prompted an AI to act as a life coach and ask me a series of questions to help identify my core values. After an hour of answering questions, the AI analyzed my responses and outlined my core values, which it then summarized into a personal statement.

My Core Values

The AI's analysis revealed my core values are personal growth, resilience, connection, and compassion.

• Growth: I believe in constant self-improvement through daily rituals like journaling, gratitude, and mindfulness. These practices help me recenter and connect with myself.

• Resilience: My journey to becoming a published author taught me that my voice is valid and that I can overcome adversity to achieve my dreams.

• Connection and Community: Although I value my alone time, I feel most alive when sharing experiences with others. I believe we are all interconnected, and true happiness comes from these shared moments.

• Compassion: This value is at the heart of my belief that all life is sacred. It drives my desire to make a positive impact on the world, whether through small acts of kindness or larger efforts like creating jobs or providing healthcare.

The analysis also highlighted a personal challenge: while I value connection, past experiences have made it difficult for me to fully trust others. Acknowledging this barrier is part of my journey toward living my values.

A Guiding Principle: Compassionate Contribution

Using my core values, I gave the AI one final prompt: "Analyze my core values and reduce them down to one single guiding principle for my life."

The AI's answer was compassionate contribution. This phrase combines my core values into a single, actionable principle. It's a proactive, outward-looking concept that suggests my personal growth and resilience are not ends in themselves, but tools to help others. Compassionate contribution means moving beyond just feeling empathy to actively using my resources, skills, and talents to make a positive difference in the world.

Looking back, I realized I’ve been practicing this principle my whole life. Friends and family have often described me as "free-hearted," and I have always been driven to help others in both small and significant ways—from offering a listening ear to mentoring and volunteering. My core values are a compass, and compassionate contribution is my true north, guiding me to use my unique skills to bring harmony and care to those who need it most.

This journey has been a powerful reminder that our values are more than just words; they are the foundation for a meaningful life. While the path to living with intention is ongoing, having a clear guiding principle like "compassionate contribution" provides a strong sense of purpose and direction. By continually reflecting on these principles, we can ensure our actions are aligned with our deepest beliefs, leading to a life filled with purpose and positive impact.

Carolina Dean 
Compassionate Contributor 

Links:

• The New Diary, Tristine Rainer
• Tristine Rainer
• Diary (Wikipedia) 

The Truth Is Out There... And It's in This Book

Have you ever felt a chill when you hear a weird noise in the woods, or caught a glimpse of something that just couldn't be real? If so, you've already stepped into the world of cryptozoology.

Cryptozoology is the study of hidden animals—creatures that haven't been proven to exist. The evidence for them comes from stories, folklore, and sometimes a few clues. It's a field where science meets mystery, and it's all about finding out if these creatures are real.

To learn more, check out "Cryptozoology A to Z" by Loren Coleman and Jerome Clark. It's an incredible guide that covers the history of cryptozoology and lists all sorts of mysterious creatures. The authors, both well-known in the field, don't just give you a list. They dig into where the stories came from, their cultural importance, and what the scientific community thinks about them.

The book covers everything from the famous Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster to the less-known Mokele-mbembe. It’s a treasure chest of information.

What makes this book great is that it's balanced. While it celebrates the thrill of discovery, it also looks at evidence with a critical eye. The authors help you tell the difference between real mysteries and hoaxes.

This book shows that our world is still full of wonders. It reminds us to keep an open mind and question what we think we know.

Whether you're new to cryptozoology or a long-time fan, "Cryptozoology A to Z" is a must-have. It will spark your imagination and make you wonder about the undiscovered parts of our world.

So, the next time you hear a strange sound in the leaves, remember the hidden world that Coleman and Clark reveal. You can find "Cryptozoology A to Z" and other books at my Etsy store. 

Carolina Dean 

Links

• Cryptozoology at 12th House Books 
• Cryptozoology at Wikipedia 
• International Cryptozoology Museum